Out loud & on purpose.

It's been two years since Ryan left and I can't begin to name all of the times I have cursed him in my head, in my speech, or in my soul -- for all of the moments he missed. For all the moments my heart felt like it was about to explode with pride as I witnessed our children grow. For all of the times I felt and was crushed by the weight of his absence as a coparent. For each time I had to listen to the girls ask for him, look for him, ask to know why he had to leave, why he wanted to leave. Each time I watch an exhausted eight-year-old fall apart because she can't process the immensity of her loss. And so many, many other times... it's hard to use this day to remember him, I tend to think of his birthday more as the time for sharing how much we miss him. Today's actually more of our day to be sad, yell out a few profanities, and be mad as hell that it happened the way it did. Catch me in August for a tribute.

It's an isolating thing, to lose your person. But man have I learned a lot about myself in the past two years. Probably more than I learned in my first 37. 

Porch,

Absolutely would have preferred to have you here with us, but wherever you are now, please know - ho'oponopono

Cheers. 

Okay, yes, it's a tribute. Please pay tribute to Porch by telling someone how you feel about them. Tell your mom how much you love her, tell your dad, tell literally anyone. Don't wait until you're writing a stupid tribute on a Facebook post that person would never get to see. Your kind words for me about Porch are kind, but they would have likely been more meaningful to him had he actually been able to read them or hear them from you. That's your homework assignment, please. Go out into the world and tell one of your people how much you appreciate them, admire them, love them. Do it out loud & do it on purpose.

xo

Danie