The Crabby Sunflower

I guess I started this blog as a deviation from my other because my life feels fractured into before & after; before Ryan died and now. On Nov 6, 2020, my very best friend lost a battle with depression and died. 

He died.

I'm still trying to process that, even now. I am holding it together the best that anyone really could without all the pieces. I am now the single mother of two small children who are grieving the loss of their father, their normal, their "before." For a while, I truly expected to look up and see Ryan turn the corner into the living room. Even now, I have to remind myself that he isn't just away on a trip. He's gone.

So why this? Why The Crabby Sunflower? This season of my life has lead me to appreciate the strength of the sunflower. How it turns to reach for the light. So optimistic, right? And the crab? Show me a mom who doesn't get crabby from time to time - and I'll show you a liar. When I was in Hawaii in 2021, I had this amazing experience with a "local" via AirBnB Experience that literally changed my life.  TL;DR - I let go of some heavy baggage and when I did, I saw a crab scuttle away on the rocks. Rumor has it that when I turned to tell David about this, I was grinning like a small child. Just the joy of seeing something so out of my normal experience and being somewhere so peaceful... my soul started to heal.

And I guess that's why I am here. I'm healing. I'm crabby. And I like sunflowers. 

And I'm still here.

xo

The Crabbiest Sunflower You Know